Have you ever been the recipient of an act or gift (not necessarily material) that made you question why the other person did that for you? Was it a genuine act of love and kindness or was it because they felt they owed you "something" even when it's not apparent as to why they would "owe you" anything in the first place?
A recent experience with someone I had been very close to for 25 years (and hundreds of shared lifetimes) is the reason for this article today. I'll admit I had never even given this a thought until my amazing wife pointed it out to me. Relationships (romantic/familial/platonic) can be very complex under the surface, so as you read this, please understand that the point of this article isn't to fuck up your existing loving relationships (you can do that on your own lol), but merely to shed some light on the deeper, hidden aspects operating silently in the background and preventing you from reclaiming your power.
What is Karmic Obligation?
Well, an obligation is when a person feels compelled to do something because of:
a promise
familial/societal/cultural programming
local custom
a contract
their own conscience/moral compass
Karmic Obligation (aka Karmic Debt) is really no different than the regular obligation that people deal with down here, except this type of obligation is Spiritual in nature. The karmic/Spiritual part of this is where people are cleverly guilted into reincarnating to perform an act (or many acts) in order to atone for their actions or "pay back a debt" to someone they interacted with in their "previous" life/lives. The LIE that they want you to believe is that you must come back to do this, but this just isn't the case.
It's important to note that Karmic Obligation is NOT a voluntary desire to perform this act or acts (that's why it's an obligation). Lightsiders will usually delude themselves into believing that they "really want to" execute on the act though, but keep in mind that people that lie to themselves will lie to those around them as well.
On a side note, obligation (yang) is a blatantly overt (direct) form of control imposed onto a person. Guilt (yin) is the opposing and subtly covert (indirect) form of control. They are two sides of the same coin and Karmic Obligation comes in both flavors.
What do Karmic Obligation and Love have to do with each other?
They exist and operate independently of one another, but they can also be present simultaneously in any kind of relationship (romantic, familial, or platonic). Karmic Obligation, regardless of your awareness of it, can be (and is often) confused for Love and it can be difficult to discern the difference, especially for those that are still in the process of waking up Spiritually.
Can you give some examples?
Sure. Let's use this as the foundation for our examples: Your mother chose to have another child with your step-father, but she has dumped her child-raising burden onto you and your half-sibling is a rotten little monster that has been long overdue for much-needed discipline.
Karmic Obligation expressed WITHOUT Love
You are angry that you have to babysit your half-sibling every time your mother drinks alcohol excessively and passes out on the couch (which is almost every night), but you begrudgingly suck it up and do it anyway. The only reason you're doing this is because you are operating (consciously or unconsciously) under a Karmic Obligation to both of them. This is the least common type.
Karmic Obligation expressed as Inauthentic Love
Although you harbor much resentment towards both of them for putting you in this position, you're also mature enough to understand why your mother does what she does and cannot blame her for her inability to cope with life after your step-father abused her and left, so a part of you wants to help her through this rough patch as difficult as it may be for you right now. And with regard to your half-sibling, you also recognize that it's not their fault that your mother has a drinking problem and as a result, hasn't been a good parent for her child, so a part of you wants to be a good surrogate mother/role model for them. You feel a Karmic Obligation to both of them and on the surface, your actions may appear (to yourself and to outsiders) as though you are acting solely out of Love, but you're still just fulfilling your Karmic Obligation to both of them. This "Inauthentic Love" is quite common and is usually referred to as a "karmic relationship". It generally starts with the family that raises you and as you mature, it continues to express itself in your platonic/romantic relationships.
Karmic Obligation expressed WITH Love
You do not harbor any resentment or feel any ill-will towards your mother or half-sibling. You love them both dearly despite how they may have treated you in the past. You feel a Karmic Obligation to both of them as well, but you also feel much love for each of them from having spent many lives together. (Even if you aren't consciously aware of those shared lives, people can usually feel love from shared lives transcending time and space). Although the Love being expressed is real, it is still NOT the real reason behind your "selfless" actions. It's just a nice "bonus" to your relationships with them while you fulfill your Karmic Obligations.
Does real Love exist without any attachment to Karmic Obligations?
Yes, but it's rare. Genuine Love only exists without any ulterior motive, conditions, or hidden agenda attached to it. For the purposes of this article, I am only referring to Love as it relates to those operating under Karmic Obligation. I will cover Genuine Love in another article.
When it comes to Karmic Obligation, how can a person tell if they are receiving Inauthentic Love or Love from their partner, family, or friend?
Assuming that you've reached a sufficient level of Spiritual Development and maturity, this would require a blend of intuition, perception, detachment, and critical thinking to objectively analyze the relationship and person involved that you suspect might not love you the way you think they do. Keep in mind that there really isn't a surefire way to determine this as every path is unique.
A good place to start would be to determine if the other person is still stuck in/controlled by the experiential loop of karma. Conscious awareness of some of the lives that you have shared and the overall feelings/emotions you can perceive radiating from those "past" lives would help as well. (Someone that has truly broken the experiential loop of karma and is immune to the lies surrounding it will be operating from a place of Genuine Love).
Is a person that acts out of Karmic Obligation always aware that this is their primary motivating force?
Not necessarily. If they aren't consciously aware of the prevailing tenet of karma (despite the prevailing tenet being a LIE), they will probably attribute their unconscious, obligatory actions to love for the other person.
What's so bad about a person fulfilling their Karmic Obligation WHILE loving you? It's just "killing two birds with one stone" isn't it?
If a person needs to spin it that way because they're unable to accept another harsh Spiritual Truth as a result of where they are in their Spiritual Development, then it is what it is. Not that I'm a fan of labeling things as good or bad, but what makes it "bad" is when the time comes that the "receiver" of this love discovers the truth.
As the receiver of these actions, imagine you're in a "healthy", long-term, loving relationship with someone (romantic, familial, or platonic). How would you feel deep down if you learned that the PRIMARY motivating force behind everything that the other person has done to "help you" on your journey down here was due to their Karmic Obligation (because they were acting out of pure selfishness, putting their karmic priorities FIRST), with "love" being an added bonus to the relationship, but NOT the SOLE REASON for the relationship? I'd imagine you might feel shocked, angry, sad, unimportant, deceived, betrayed, and/or massively disappointed for starters.
There are no "right" answers to the following 6 questions. Their purpose is to make you think. As the receiver above:
Does the "love" that the other person has expressed/given you feel selfless and authentic now?
Would the other person still have chosen to participate in this relationship and "love" me if they hadn't been operating under Karmic Obligation?
How much trauma/damage did this person create/cause for me now that I know this?
Does my awareness of this detrimentally alter our relationship from here forward?
On the flipside, if you're aware that you've been operating out of Karmic Obligation and simultaneously "loving" the other person, ask yourself these remaining questions and BE HONEST with yourself:
Do you feel that the love you've expressed to your partner/friend/family member was authentic or was it just a nice added "bonus" that happened to "work out" while you checked-off boxes on your "karmic debt checklist"?
How does it make you feel knowing that your partner/friend/family member may be experiencing shock, anger, heartbreak, disappointment, etc. as a result of their discovery that your "love" for them wasn't the true foundation for your actions in the relationship?
Karmic Obligation has the potential to completely demolish trust and Spiritual Intimacy in your relationships. This is just one of the reasons why the experiential loop of karma is such an awful thing to be caught up in. Discovering that someone's "love" for you was/is SECOND to the fulfillment of their Karmic Obligation can be so psyche-shattering and hurtful, that in my particular case, it was THE catalyst to sever all psychic, energetic, emotional, and Spiritual ties from hundreds of shared lifetimes with a person that I once held so very near and dear to my heart. (This needed to happen for MY particular path and I am in no way suggesting that you have to do this).
On the flipside, the knowledge of this can help you determine which people in your life love you GENUINELY and SELFLESSY, thereby enhancing those rare and treasured relationships even more.
Spiritually Advanced souls will be able to appreciate this information. Those that just aren't ready yet will get irritated and close their browser tab, but that's perfectly ok too because this is one of the harsher Spiritual Truths that a person may have to come to terms with during their Spiritual Journey. It is what it is.