I've struggled with waking up early my entire life. "Traumatizing" can't even begin to describe my experience of being jarred out of a deep, restful slumber by the sound of an alarm. The overwhelming fatigue that I also experience seems to be perfectly timed to be at its peak when the alarm goes off too. I vividly recall many years ago, having to wake up at the ass-crack of dawn to go to work (like 330ish) and groggily sitting on the edge of the bed on the verge of tears (yes, a grown-ass man on the precipice of breaking down because he had to wake up at such an ungodly hour every goddamned day).
We've all experienced this and so we're all familiar with exhaustion on multiple levels (physical, emotional and mental), but there's another kind of exhaustion that many people aren't even aware of (nor have they experienced it) and in my opinion, it sucks exponentially more than the others combined.
What exactly is Existential Exhaustion? It's being tired of existing and/or incarnating here repeatedly. Words fail to properly convey the essence, but it's an extreme fatigue of your soul. It's like trying to describe what a Stargazer Lily smells like if you've never smelled one before - it's impossible - you just have to smell it to fully understand. In contrast to physical, emotional and mental exhaustion, the feeling of Existential Exhaustion is a very unique and unmistakable kind of fatigue.
How is this different from physical/emotional/mental exhaustion?
Existential Exhaustion is something you feel ALL THE TIME - no matter how long your lazy ass has been resting on the couch, no matter how much sleep you've had, no matter how many Piña Coladas you've downed on the beach during your last vacation/holiday.
Who can perceive Existential Exhaustion?
Generally, those who have had many incarnations here AND have reached a certain level of spiritual development can perceive it. Simply put, if you're an "old soul", awareness of EE comes with the territory, but in the early stages of reaching the "old soul" milestone, these individuals might initially confuse this type of exhaustion as just being the normal physical/emotional/mental fatigue that, "strangely", doesn't ever "go away" no matter how much they rest. If someone cannot perceive this, it's usually because they have far fewer incarnations and they've not yet attained the requisite level of spiritual development.
What are some signs of Existential Exhaustion?
Obviously this varies due to your baseline personality and how this is expressed through your natal chart, but when it comes to interactions with people, the world, existing paradigms/belief systems, and life in general, you might notice (in yourself and others) a predominance of the following: anger, annoyance, irritation, frustration, grumpiness, boredom, lack of patience, pessimism, negativity, sarcasm, cynicism, disinterest, apathy, being acerbic, being jaded, being blasé, being a smart-ass, being snippy, etc. (or perhaps even a complete lack of any emotional expression). There might be some that express themselves with the opposite of these qualities, but I've never met anyone that was both completely aware of their EE and "happy" about it. Why? Because think of the all the times you've been physically, emotionally, and/or mentally fatigued/knackered - Were you especially upbeat and cheerful about it? I seriously doubt it. One thing I would like to point out is that those perceived "negative" qualities above can also be expressed with an energy of humor, however, it does take an astute individual to pick up on this underlying humor.
There can also be a lack of desire to explore the world, dive into hobbies, or meet new people. Why? Because you've experienced damn near everything life has to offer down here many times over - Shit. Gets. Old.
Can Existential Exhaustion cause depression? Are the two related to each other?
Sure it can, but there are a thousand other things you might experience on this planet that can also cause depression or lead you to it. You could be a little depressed when you first realize what you're experiencing, but that doesn't necessarily mean that someone who is existentially exhausted is depressed.
What usually causes depression after being aware of or experiencing EE are the accompanying IMPLICATIONS of what it actually means because this is just a part of waking up spiritually. Being overwhelmed with the drastic paradigm shifts you will be forced to make on your spiritual journey, the friends and family that you will have to leave behind because they hold you back or no longer resonate with your frequency, the adjustment to seeing through the lies and illusions down here, and integrating your new realizations can most definitely (and probably will) fuck you up and bring sadness into your world. If you're an outside-the-box thinker, you might be able to completely reframe/flip this depression into happiness if you consider that you're just one-step further down the path of your spiritual journey.
Is it possible that a person becoming aware of or experiencing EE might think about suicide?
ANY kind of reaction to the awareness of or experiencing EE is possible, but usually once you reach this spiritual point of awareness, you're mature enough to think clearly about the bigger picture, your choices, and the ramifications surrounding it.
What does it mean once you are aware of/experience EE?
It means you've reached a crucial milestone in your spiritual development and that you're ready to start planning whatever your next "spiritual step" might be. I can tell you that with time, you'll seek out a way to bring "things" to a conclusion (and by "things", I mean the "source of this exhaustion" a.k.a "the Reincarnation Trap").
Can anything be done to alleviate or recover from EE?
Although you can remedy the other types of exhaustion with rest, nourishment, meditation, and/or energetic practices (such as qigong), when it comes to EE, the fucked up part is there isn't a goddamned thing that can be done while you're incarnated on this planet AND trapped in the reincarnation cycle because the degree that you experience EE will ONLY continue to increase with each "trip" back here; you may not be as consciously aware of EE if your next incarnation isn't as spiritually advanced* as you are now, but you will feel it unconsciously and it will irritate the shit out of you (*contrary to the beLIEf of current "New Agers", you don't necessarily get "wiser" on your "next" and each "successive" incarnation, but that's for another article).
If you're experiencing EE so intensely that it presents itself "in your face" incessantly and you don't know how to deal with it (akin to having multiple kids tugging at your apron strings nonstop), my advice to you is to seek out Spiritual Guidance from those that truly understand the bigger "picture", the LIES that keep you in this Reincarnation Trap, and how to disentangle yourself from all of it. I can assure you that you will NOT find the answers in the places that the masses have been searching since the dawn of time. In this case, the masses are always wrong.
Does EE disappear after you escape the Reincarnation Trap and are on the "other side"? Yes and no. It depends on where you go, but this will be covered in another article.
What are Existential Panic Attacks?
They're just like the "normal" panic attacks that can plague a person down here. The "normal" ones are generally brought on by fear and/or anxiety though.
Existential Panic Attacks are just as shitty, but they are generally brought on by the sheer magnitude of mind-blowing revelations/epiphanies that you've either accidentally stumbled across (or purposely sought after) by way of:
connecting the "dots" (about Consciousness, Life, the Universe and Everything)
unraveling rotes* (from entities or very spiritually advanced individuals)
Although the information/insight gained is always extremely valuable for spiritual progression, there is an integration period for this new information and often, the only way to fully assimilate everything is to dismantle and rebuild your current framework (which, as some of you already know from experience, can be very difficult and painful). *A "rote" can be defined as: Related Organized Thought Energy as coined by Robert Monroe - essentially, it's a "thought ball" and larger rotes can take weeks or months to unravel and process through the human brain.
Does everyone experience Existential Panic Attacks?
I would surmise that if you're the kind of person that is susceptible to having normal panic attacks, then you would most likely also be susceptible to experiencing the Existential kind, but only if both of the following conditions are met:
You reach a certain level of spiritual development in your current incarnation (just like with EE) AND;
You access, download, or stumble across the "mind-blowing shit" mentioned above
Then again, similar to how some lucky individuals are not as detrimentally affected by 3-D events/information that would send others spinning into a normal panic attack, there are some lucky individuals that are able to handle paradigm-shifting revelations far better than most. I was never that lucky dealing with normal panic attacks stemming from 3-D shit, but surprisingly, I was much more adept at handling Existential Panic Attacks stemming from mind-blowing spiritual revelations. Don't get me wrong - I still had reactions that needed to be dealt with, but they didn't even come close to how awful normal panic attacks affected me.
What do you do when they hit you?
Bend over, relax and just take it without lube.
Seriously, there isn't much a person can do except to just do their best to relax and allow it to happen (whatever that means for you). If you need to curl up into a ball on the floor, scream, mumble incoherently, cry, jump around while flailing your arms, or all of the above, then just do it. If you're at work or in a public place, go ahead and do it anyway, but just remember to contact us afterwards to let us know how awkward it was for you as I happen to love embarrassing stories.
Most of all, remember to BREATHE.
That's enough Spirituality for today. Until next time...